The Problem the Dark Lord Knows Not
by MissMalfoy77
Summary: A little crack-fic about Harry discovering why Voldemort is the way he is and his attempts to resolve the problem. Featuring: Harry (duh), Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Snape, Draco and Voldemort (duh as well) and may or may not feature a slightly sadistic Dumbledore. WARNING: This fic contains large amounts of stupidity and general WTF-ness. Reader discretion is advised.
1. Prologue

**A/N: Just a little idea that popped into my mind after reading several parody fics on this site xD Please review and tell me what you think (i.e. if I should bother continuing with this)!**

* * *

**Prologue**

"I've got it!" Harry suddenly yelled out in the middle of the Great Hall during breakfast one morning. The entire Gryffindor table swiveled around at this outburst.

"Whavoogot?" Ron asked, his mouth full of egg, bacon, toast, beans and sausage. Hermione scrunched up her nose in disgust.

"What have you got?" Ron repeated, once he'd swallowed his mouthful. Harry beamed.

"I've finally figured out what's wrong with Voldemort!" he replied excitedly. The other Gryffindors were silent, hanging onto Harry's every word.

"Yes…?" Hermione asked uncertainly. Harry clapped his hands.

"He needs a good shag!"

Silence greeted this statement.

"I'm sorry, what?" Ginny spluttered.

"Shagged! Get laid, do the nasty, whatever you prefer! Why do you think he's so bloody moody all the time?"

Hermione just stared at Harry. "Where, in Merlin's name, did you get that idea from?"

Harry shrugged. "Dunno. I had a vision last night," he said, pointing to his scar, "and yeah he was being a dick to Lucius and Bellatrix and it seemed like he just needed a good shag."

* * *

Meanwhile, Severus Snape was glaring at the Gryffindor table, his usual breakfast routine, when he noticed Harry announcing something to the entire Gryffindor table.

"Minerva," he drawled, "you might want to go down and see what's happening. After all, it is your house…"

Minerva took one look at her House and tsked. "Good heavens Severus, they're just talking amongst themselves. You really need to stop being so uptight this early in the morning!" But Severus was having none of that. He saw the gasps of the Gryffindor table and was convinced that that good-for-nothing Potter spawn was spreading false rumours about him. Rising from his seat, he stalked down to confront the boy.

"So Potter, you're so pathetic that you have to resort to spreading false rumours about me just to hold the attention of your…peers?" he hissed. Harry opened his mouth to refute that outrageous claim, when an idea popped into his head.

"Sir, you're _in_ with Voldemort, right?"

Severus gaped, not expecting that sentence at all.

"What?" he hissed back. It wasn't exactly common knowledge that he was a former Death Eater and he bloody well didn't want everyone finding out about it now.

"You know, you're friendly with him right? So far as to say that he implicitly trusts you? Trusts your judgement, maybe…listens to your advice?" Harry asked hopefully. Hermione just sighed and covered her face with her hands.

"No I am not 'friendly' with the Dark Lord, nor does he take advice from anyone! I don't know what gave you the idea that we are remotely in contact or - "

"Oh come off it Professor," Harry interrupted, "we know that you're spying on him for Dumbledore, I just wanted to know how close that relationship was," he said, looking up at the shocked Professor innocently.

"Shut up!" Severus hissed. It took all of his self-control and more to not hex that stupid boy for revealing his secret.

"What?" Harry asked confused. "Oh right, don't worry, Dumbledore only told us three," he said gesturing to himself, Ron and Hermione, "about your secret but I guess now everyone knows…" he finished, looking around at the Great Hall where everyone was frozen, watching the heated exchange between Harry and Severus with rapturous attention.

* * *

Over in the Slytherin table, Draco was the first to react.

"You mean you're a traitor?" he asked Severus incredulously. "Wait until my father hears - "

"No no no no no no," Severus yelled as he raced to the Slytherin table, before clamping his hand over Draco's mouth before he could finish that sentence.

"HMPRRHPHHH!" Draco protested loudly.

"You're coming with me, boy," Severus ordered, dragging Draco out of the chair and towards the Entrance Hall. They passed the Gryffindor table when Severus jabbed a finger in Harry's direction yelling, "And you three with me as well!"

Harry, Ron and Hermione got up from their seats and began to follow the Potions Master when a shrill voice called out.

"I'm coming too!" Ginny yelled.

"NO! You're too young!" Ron yelled back before realizing how weird that response was.

"What the hell, mate?" Harry asked. Ron shrugged.

"NO! Wherever Harry goes, I go too!" Ginny said, with a dangerous glint in her eye. Without waiting for a response, she climbed out of the bench and began to follow them.

"W-wait, hang on!" Neville stuttered, "I'll come too!"

Hermione did a quick probability calculation in her head.

"I'm sorry Neville, but I did a quick probability calculation in my head and if you tag along there is a 63.251% more chance that you'll screw up whatever Professor Snape is going to do to us, so with your best interest at heart, I suggest you just stay back," she concluded sweetly. Neville, not having understood any of what Hermione had just said to him, nodded dumbly and sat back down.

As Severus, Draco, Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny exited the Hall, the rest of the school turned to face Dumbledore, as if looking for an explanation for what the hell had just happened. Dumbledore just smiled back at the students.

"Now, now I advise you all finish your porridge before it gets too cold," he said with that infuriating twinkle in his eye.

* * *

**To be continued...hopefully...**


	2. Chapter 1

**A/N: Here's the first chapter, please read and review!  
**

**A/N/N: This chapter contains coarse language ;)**

* * *

**Chapter 1**

Draco wrestled out of Severus' grip halfway on their journey to the dungeons.

"YOU…you! How DARE you manhandle me!" Draco exclaimed, his eyes blazing. Severus lazily flicked his wand in his direction and Draco's outbursts were immediately silenced.

Behind them, Ginny was repeatedly trying to push her way in between Harry and Ron, which made Harry and Ron even more determined to squish together.

"I apologise on behalf of my sister," Ron said sheepishly as they ignored Ginny's futile attempts at throwing herself at them.

" 'S'alright," Harry replied. "At least I know I've got someone I can manipulate to do whatever I want, whenever I want." Ron nodded admiringly at his best friend's resourcefulness.

"Professor, would you mind telling us where we're going and what you're going to do with us?" Hermione asked, running up to the irate man.

"No."

"We're going to the dungeons, Granger," Draco responded flatly, having removed the Silencio Charm off himself. "What part of walking down the corridors that lead to the dungeons don't you understand about that?"

"I know _that_!" she replied, offended at the thought of someone questioning her intelligence, "but I couldn't come up with a reasonable reason as to why Sn- Professor Snape would take us there. Thus, I questioned."

The group of students and the Professor reached the dungeons where their Potions classes were usually held, but instead of entering, Severus simply walked past and stood right in front of the stony wall at the end of the corridor. He remained there for several minutes, absolutely still.

"Has he fallen asleep?" Ron whispered uneasily.

"No, it's quite obvious what he's doing, isn't it?" Harry replied, confused.

"No…it isn't, Potter," Draco hissed scathingly.

"Yeah, explain it, Harry," Ron said, slightly disgruntled.

"Well you can see Snape standing right up against that wall. Now that could be either because he's really hot under his Batman costume and wants to feel the cold off the stony wall, or because he's doing something complex and needs all his concentration aimed at the wall. Personally, I'd go for the latter because although it does get very stuffy down here and those black robes cannot be helping, I'm hoping that he's actually doing something productive while we're down here suffocating in this stuffiness. Now as we can see his greasy beak of a nose is stopping him from getting any closer to the wall so that's probably why it's taking him like five-ever to do whatever he's doing," Harry concluded. Ron and Draco just stared at him in disbelief. Grinning, Harry turned to Hermione to see if he'd impressed her with his deductions. Instead Hermione frowned at him.

"It's not a 'greasy beak', it's Roman," she informed primly, before stalking off to join a beady-eyed Ginny.

While Harry had been confiding his speculations to the other students, Severus had in fact, been accessing his private chambers through the top-secret entrance. He focused his eyes onto the stone that had a small bat engraved into it and he felt the pressure build up behind his eyes. A yellow beam of light shot out of his eyes directly onto the stony wall and the wall began to flicker.

"The wall! It's disappearing!" Hermione cried out. However, no one cared about that.

"Snape's shooting death rays out of his eyes!" Ron shrieked. Harry and Draco both gasped in horror. Slowly, Severus turned around to face them, his eyes still glowing. Draco let out a yelp and ran to Harry, cowering behind him.

"Seriously, Draco? I mean, seriously?" Harry scoffed, turning around to look at the cowardly Slytherin. "You're in Slytherin. Your dad's a Death Eater, for Merlin's sake. Surely you've seen much worse things than Snape with glow-in-the-dark eyes?"

Draco glared at Harry. "I had a traumatic childhood experience," he retorted. Harry was about to question Draco about said-childhood experience, but Severus-sans-glow-in-the-dark-eyes interrupted.

"As much as it warms the cockles of my stone-dead heart to see you two boys having a civilised conversation, which it doesn't, I suggest you shut up and enter my private chambers," he ordered, gesturing to the stony wall which had now transformed into a doorway. Grumbling, the students filed in through the narrow doorway.

* * *

"Oh my gosh!"

"No way!"

"What the fuck?"

"So. Weird."

"Seriously?" Harry turned to Severus, with a questioning look in his eyes. Severus shrugged.

The students had entered what seemed to be a five-star hotel room. Beige-coloured walls, crisp-white sheets, curtains billowing in the breeze of a window which looked out upon the rugged Scottish countryside.

"Is this your bed?" Ginny asked, having sprawled herself across it. She patted the space beside her and winked at Harry. Harry cringed.

"Kindly get the fuck off my personal sleeping space," Severus said irritably, but Ginny ignored him, busying herself by rolling in the sheets.

"Wow Professor, I didn't know you had such good taste!" Hermione exclaimed.

"Yeah," Ron chimed in, "you don't look like the kind of person who's rooms would be featured in _Witches' Weekly Hideaways_." A frown crossed the Professor's face.

"What are you-oh," he growled. He flicked his wand and suddenly the serene, white, modern room was replaced by a drab, dark room with stony walls, black satin sheets and cobwebs in every corner visible.

"I thought so," Harry said without so much as a blink.

"Yes, before you imbeciles waste my time with mundane questions, this is what my private chambers actually look like. I disguise my room as seen previously for if any snotty dunderheads think that it would be a great idea to break into my chambers to steal anything, they would think themselves in the wrong room, a room that would never, whatsoever, belong to me. Understood?" Severus sneered.

"A disguise..." Hermione breathed. "Would you tell me how you did it, Professor?" she asked, hopefully.

"No."

"But Professor, it must've involved a lot of complex magic and extraordinary skill! I would be fascinated to learn how you mastered it."

"Yes...yes I did master it, didn't I?" Severus replied, somewhat smugly. "None of you idiots could tell it was a disguise, could you..."

"So will you tell me?" Hermione asked again.

"Miss Granger, I am going to go out on a limb and believe that you are not deaf, but rather stupid. I said no and I meant it." Severus replied snidely.

Draco meandered through the room, touching the curtains and everything that was within his reach. He turned to Harry and pointed to the window.

"Was that how you knew?"

"Huh?"

"Was that how you knew the first room was a disguise? Because all the dungeons are underground so the window should've been looking out into the Black Lake but instead it was looking out into the countryside?" Draco enunciated, knowing he would impress Harry with his logic.

"Uh, no..."

"Then what?"

"Come on, do you really think _Snape_ would decorate his room in anything _but_ doom and gloom? Obviously he wouldn't, he's too one-dimensional for that," Harry said, indifferently. "And stop trying to be clever, it doesn't suit you," he added. Draco glared at him and walked to Severus.

"So why've you brought us here?" he demanded. "Are you gonna kill me so I can't say anything about you to my father?"

"Stop being a little shit, Draco. Obviously I can't do that because then your father might kill me." Severus snapped. "No. I've brought you all here, except for Miss Weasley who's insisted on attaching to Potter like a giant parasite, because of your blasphemy in the Great Hall."

"It's not blasphemy if it's true," Hermione countered.

"Yeah, what she said," Ron agreed.

"Shut up, Miss Granger. I can't have you dimwitted fools running around Hogwarts spreading falsities about me, understood?"

Draco frowned, as if trying to process a complex bit of information.

"So you're not a traitor, then?"

"Of course he is, Malfoy. God, why are you lot always so stupid? He's saying that so you don't tell other people!" Harry practically screamed at the poor, confused boy.

"Oh."

"Hang on a second," Ginny interjected, "so Snape is actually on Dumbledore's side, but he's also a Death Eater - "

"_Former _Death Eater," Severus corrected.

" - whatever, so he can tell all of You-Know-Who's plans to Dumbledore?" Ginny finished.

Severus, Harry, Ron and Hermione all nodded.

"Is You-Know-Who really that thick?" she asked, incredulously.

"Yes!" Harry crowed, "which is good for us because he'll blindly believe anything Snape here tells him. Which is even better because I have something that Snape needs to convince Voldemort of!"

"What? What in Merlin's name would you have me do for the Dark Lord?" Snape asked in disbelief. Harry just grinned.

"You need to get Voldemort a good shag!"

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**Well there's chapter 1, hopefully chapter 2 should be up in a couple of days. We'll see.  
**


	3. Chapter 2

**A/N: Here's chapter 2! This chapter is a LOT longer than the previous ones and also contains coarse language. Please read and leave a review, even if it's just 'LOL' or 'This is shit, go kill yourself'. Anyway, enjoy!**

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**Chapter 2**

"That has got to be the ugliest expression I've ever seen," Draco commented from the corner of the room. The other students were crowded around the unconscious form of Severus Snape, whose face was contorted with a mix of disgust, shock and horror.

"Yeah well I don't blame him," Ron grumbled. "Bloody hell Harry, did you have to mention that stupid idea to him? It's bad enough you had to say it halfway during breakfast, but again?"

"I don't see what the big deal is," Harry replied, nonplussed. "I think it's an excellent plan."

"Yeah well what you think isn't necessarily normal," Ron retorted.

"Instead of arguing over the appropriateness of Harry's plan, I think we should be focusing on reviving Professor Snape," Hermione interjected. There were blank stares.

"Why? He's actually tolerable when he's knocked out!" Ginny protested.

"Yeah, also you don't know what else he was gonna do with us!" Ron added. "I mean now that he's threatened us, what else was he gonna do anyway? I say we just leave." Draco nodded from his corner.

"I agree with Weaselbee. Besides I have some interesting news to tell my father about."

Ron walked purposefully towards the door and yanked it. It didn't budge.

"Nothing a little 'Alohomora' won't fix," he said confidently, before pointing his wand at the handle and saying the incantation. Nothing happened.

"You're so stupid Ron," Ginny complained. "Of course Snape isn't gonna leave his chambers unguarded. There's probably a whole lot of wards you have to get through to unlock the bloody thing. It's _so_ Snape!"

Ron frowned as he trudged back to the group, pointedly ignoring the look of satisfaction on Hermione's face.

"Well can we leave him unconscious for just a bit longer?" Ron pleaded with Hermione.

"I thought you wanted to get out of here?"

"I do, but I'd rather stay in here with an unconscious Snape than out there with a furious Snape trying to hex our heads off for revealing his secret," he replied, shrugging. Hermione sighed. She couldn't argue with that logic.

Meanwhile, Harry had crouched over Severus' face and was fishing around his pockets.

"I've always wanted to do this," he said gleefully and pulled a black marker out of his robe pockets.

"Ohhhh ho ho ho," Ron chortled. "Are they…?"

"Magic Permanent Unerasable Marker Pens for Mischievous Purposes!" Harry crowed. "Fred gave it to me, but this is a prototype, you know before they invented the Erasable feature to go with the pen!"

"Harry!" Hermione admonished.

"Shut up, Granger," Draco interrupted. "Potter you better destroy his face with that or you're no longer my friend."

"I was never your friend and nor will I ever be," Harry scoffed. "I'll do whatever the damn hell I like."

"So what are you going to draw?" Ginny asked.

"I dunno. Something horrible."

"Well if you need, you could always practice on me…" Ginny said suggestively. "I'm always available to you," she said, unbuttoning her cardigan. Harry ignored her and opened the pen. He coloured in Severus' lips black then sat back and paused.

"That's it? Your pranking game is weak, Potter," Draco sneered.

"I'm not finished yet, Blondie," Harry muttered before leaning over and colouring in Severus' eyelids. The man didn't stir.

"Harry, I really don't approve - "

"No one cares, Hermione!" Ginny snapped. Hermione stared back at Ginny, her mouth open in astonishment.

"Ooh I know!" Harry exclaimed. He walked over to the bedside table where a vase with dead, shriveled flowers was. He chucked the flowers out and smashed the vase until it was just a pile of glass sand. Muttering a spell, he Transfigured the glass sand into a pile of white powder. "Ron, want to help me?"

Ron walked over, grinning. He scooped up some of the powder and dusted it all over the Potion Master's face.

"MORE!" Ginny screeched to which Ron gladly obliged. Soon Severus' face was deathly white with black lips and eyelids.

"What else?" Harry asked Draco.

"Something dreadfully embarrassing. Like a monobrow!" he said, shuddering. Harry nodded and filled in the white skin between the Professor's overgrown eyebrows.

"I know! I know! I know!" Ginny yelled, jumping up and down. "LET'S DO HIS HAIR!" she cackled. She pounced off the bed and dragged Severus into a sitting position against his bed. She weaved her hands into his hair and then stopped. "Oh my..." she breathed.

"What?"

"His hair...it's so greasy! Like unbelievably greasy," Ginny explained. Ron looked sick. "And you can smell the potion fumes off it!"

"Well if it's so _disgusting_ why don't you wash it?" Hermione snapped.

"Never said it was disgusting," Ginny giggled, "but ooh yes a wash wouldn't do him any harm. I wonder if he's ever washed his hair," she mused before running off into the Professor's bathroom.

"OH MY GOSH!" she shrieked. The other students ran into the bathroom and gaped. If Severus' sleeping chambers were to be described as drab and gloomy, it had _nothing_ on his bathroom.

"How...?" Draco whimpered. "How can he even wash himself in here?"

"I don't think he does..." Ron whispered, equally as pale. Draco looked at him, horrified.

Harry tentatively stepped into the mouldy shower cubicle and turned one of the taps. A great shudder accompanied the creaking noises and suddenly a stream of murky water and dead flies shot out of the shower head, drenching Harry.

"His hot water pipes haven't been used in centuries!" Harry exclaimed. "This man has no concept of personal hygiene! Seriously, Hermione, how can you fancy him?"

Hermione turned bright red. "I do not fancy him!" she snapped.

"Granger fancies Snape? Who would have thought..." Draco smirked.

"Yes you do Hermione, don't deny it," Harry grinned. "First it was all 'his nose is not a greasy beak, it's Roman' and then you wanted to revive him, I mean who in their right mind would want to revive Snape, anyway and then you got highly offended when I drew on his face...admit it. You. Fancy. Him!"

"I do not!"

"Do so!"

"Believe whatever you want, Potter," she spat before storming out of the bathroom, no doubt to go and sit beside Severus Snape.

"Wow Potter, and here I was thinking you couldn't possibly do anything worse to piss people off and bam! Granger calls you 'Potter'," Draco drawled. "But if I was your friend, I would never have called you 'Potter', Potter!"

"Shut up, Malfoy," Harry yelled before stalking out to find Hermione. "Hey," he greeted.

She ignored him.

"Look I'm really sorry Hermione. What I said was out of line and I apologise. Will you forgive me?" he pleaded. Hermione turned to look at him and was fighting to keep a smile off her face.

"Oh whatever. I forgive you," she finally said. "And I'm sorry for calling you 'Potter'."

"No you're not." She paused.

"Yeah you're right. You were a jerk, you deserved it," she grinned.

"So...Snapey, then?"

"I don't fancy him, I just admire his intelligence and sarcastic wit."

"Well tell Ron that, he's currently in major sulk mode."

* * *

Half an hour later, the students were back in the chambers surrounding Severus who now had clean and fluffy hair, as opposed to the greasy, clumpy mess it had been. Ginny was sectioning off bits of hair, braiding them and casting a Setting Spell so that when she undid the braid, he had nice, beachy waves.

"It's all the rage in _Teen Witch Weekly_," Ginny explained to Harry, Ron and Draco. Hermione wisely kept quiet, having realised that her disapproval meant nothing to them.

"And now for the finishing touches," Harry muttered, scrawling something with the Magic Pen on the Professor's forehead and jaw.

"I...am...a...fat... - move your hand, Harry - ...virgin. I am a fat virgin," Ron declared.

"We all know you are, Weasley, no need to advertise it," Draco drawled.

"Harry, he's going to _murder_ you! It's bloody brilliant!"

"Harry!" Hermione exclaimed, unable to keep silent at this offence.

"Sorry, was that taking it a bit too far?" Harry asked, not looking the least bit sorry. "Oh well it's Unerasable so not much we can do now."

"Are you finally done now?" she demanded. Harry stared at the hot mess lying in front of him.

"Yep," he replied, popping the 'p'.

"Is anyone else hungry?" Ron complained.

"No!" everyone else yelled back simultaneously. Ron muttered something unintelligible under his breath and walked over to Severus' desk, transfiguring a pile of ancient Potions books into a plate of blueberry muffins. He started to chomp down on one, when Hermione realised the disaster that would come.

"RON! NO!" Ron either didn't hear her or ignored her and finished the muffin in one mouthful.

"Wha?" he asked. Hermione shook her head.

"Ron, don't you EVER listen in Transfiguration?" she yelled. "Transfigurations aren't permanent! They almost always revert back to their original state!"

"So that means..." Ron said hoarsely, "that muffin is going to turn back into a 1500 page volume IN MY STOMACH?"

"That is gonna be one painful shit," Draco sniggered, but was silenced by a slap from Ginny.

"Painful is the least of your worries," Hermione said, agitated. "That book is going to be destroyed by all your stomach acids! Oh and it was an ancient classic as well," she wailed. Harry nudged Hermione.

"Priorities, remember."

"But it's a book!"

"Yes, but Ron is also your friend."

"I humbly apologise for interrupting your riveting conversation, BUT I HAVE A FUCKING BOOK IN MY STOMACH AND I'M GOING TO DIE!" Ron shrieked.

"Oh stop overreacting, Ronald," Hermione snapped.

"You should've been there when Charlie pretended to have poisoned Ron's soup with dragon venom. He's always been a bit of a drama queen," Ginny remarked.

"But there's no such thing as dragon venom," Hermione said, confused.

"Exactly."

"I was small, how was I supposed to know?" Ron yelled at Ginny.

"This was last fucking summer!" she yelled back.

"Guys, guys, guys calm down. Arguing isn't going to solve this problem," Hermione intervened.

"Why don't you puke it out?" Harry suggested.

"No," Ron replied, bluntly.

"Ron has a phobia of vomiting," Ginny explained to a confused Harry.

"Ah, emetophobia," Hermione said, thoughtfully, "I've read all about it, it's always fascinated me and - "

"Again, priorities," Harry reminded her.

"For Merlin's sake Weasley, you either shit it out, painfully might I add, or you puke it out while it's still in muffin mode," Draco said. Ron turned green at the mention of his options.

"C'mon Ron, wouldn't you rather have it out of you than in?" Harry asked, gently.

"Only if it doesn't involve me pooping or puking it out," he mumbled.

"Well it's not like we can just transport it out of you," Hermione snapped, becoming increasingly pissed off at her friend.

Suddenly the unconscious figure of Severus Snape began to stir. Three groans and a 'bloody Potter' later, his eyes snapped open.

"Uh..hi Professor, back with us then?" Harry said hesitantly with a fake smile plastered on his face. Severus looked around at the scene in front of him and let out a string of swears.

"This wasn't a horrible nightmare then?" he grumbled. "You actually proposed that moronic, ridiculous idea to me?"

"Yes, but before we dwell on the details of my, if I may say, brilliant plan, we have a slight problem, Professor," Harry said, pointing to Ron.

"He swallowed your book, Sir," Draco smirked.

"What?" Severus hissed. He looked at his desk where a plate of muffins were sitting in place of the pile of ancient Potion's journals. He scrunched up his face in an expression of anger, horror and loathing and just as he was about to scream at the poor boy,

"Bathroom," Ron managed to squeak out, before running straight to the bathroom.

Retch.

They cringed.

Another retch.

"It's starting to smell a bit," Ginny said, looking squeamish.

Another retch.

"I think I'm gonna be sick as well," Draco whimpered.

A few minutes later, Ron emerged from the bathroom looking noticeably better. Hermione had cast a Deodorising Charm and looked at Ron expectantly.

"Well, better out than in, as I always like to say," Ron announced, grinning.

"You flushed it down the toilet," Hermione said, deadpanned.

"Yeah of cou- oh. Oops," he said, sheepishly. Severus shook his head, deciding to deal with this abhorrent crime later. He turned to Harry.

"How exactly did you imagine I'd react when you proposed this ludicrous idea, Potter?" he sneered.

"Please, call me Harry. And I'd imagined that your eyes would've lit up in wonder as you realised just how smart and brilliant my plan was. You'd have said 'Wow Harry, that is clever! How on earth did you come up with something so amazing that I couldn't have?'" Harry finished.

"Well you imagined wrong, Potter," he spat. "Merlin this is giving me a killer headache. I'm going to get a Pepper-Up Potion and I'll be back so do not even think to destroy my chambers," Severus snarled before walking to another room.

"So how did you end up puking?" Harry asked Ron, after Severus left.

"Oh believe me, it was not intentional. Just when Snape had that horrific expression on his face along with that hideous makeup and hair, he looked _gruesome_! Gross enough to make me sick," Ron replied. They all shuddered.

"Should we point out - " Draco began to ask.

"No. If any one of you mention it to Snape, I will personally strangle you, okay?" Harry warned. They all nodded just as Severus came back. Harry grinned, excited to start planning what he reckoned was the best solution to the Voldemort problem.

* * *

**A/N: Yeah...not really happy with the ending, but I had to end it somewhere . Next chapter should be out by next week! Please leave a review!**


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